So many things to say of our newest addition and after a month plus of very broken, insufficient sleep, she continues to prove to be as spicy as we guessed she'd be in utero. In only knowing Cleo for a short month, I can already tell her and Curran are entirely different people. I mean, I knew they would be, but I expected a helpless little baby to sort of look, cry, poop, and eat the same. Her entrance into this world was fast and somewhat dramatic (which explains a lot about her personality now that I type that out. She deserves some empathy for the post traumatic stress. I was there.). I planned for an epidural, which did not work out this time, and that change of expectation made for an overall rough and loud few hours for everyone in the room. Hugh was a champ trying to encourage someone who was in no place to be comforted but he tried anyway. I'm certain it was difficult to watch. Birth is a crazy miracle and not for the weak of heart, that's for sure.
I remember Hugh and I discussing the seeming impossibility of loving two children with the complete intensity that we felt for one. How was that going to be possible? What is more than everything? It fills up every cranny of your heart parts. I didn't get how people do this over and over but it makes sense. More crannies appear that you didn't know were waiting to be filled. Loving a child is so vulnerable, so protective, deeper than I've ever known, and possibly because it takes so much work. Not at the loving them part necessarily, but the minutia of it all. How you can be so obsessed with a little person and then in a short span of shrieking, irrational (especially in the middle of the night) moments wish they would just go away is complicated and hard. A baby, in all his or her dependency, is so draining, but they get you back with these moments of joy that are unlike anything I've ever felt. Maybe I am not explaining it right or if you're a parent yourself, perhaps that makes sense.
We're slowly getting the hang of what our life will look like with the two of them. While pregnant, strangers with kids close in age themselves would strike up conversation with me after they did the mental math between my very young toddler and pregnant belly. "It's so hard the first year or two, then it's great," they'd all say. Really, all of them, so I am trying to keep in mind that we are doing the hardest of the work right now. I am slowly learning to ask for more help and accepting favors (which is otherwise hard for me). I want to be mindful of making time for my introverted self to be alone - be that going for a workout without a stroller or working while not simultaneously entertaining a child.
Cleo girl, so far, I can tell you are intense and firey. That may make this intense and fiery sometimes, but I find that quality in people so admirable. I hope you grow up feeling encouraged to find out what you are passionate about and chase after it. Whoever you choose to love will be so lucky. Your dad and I are far from perfect, but we commit to loving you and your brother the best we're able - and in the ways you receive it, most importantly. SO glad you are here. I love you.