I rocked Cleo for a solid hour in that stained, suede chair. Nursing on either side of that just to try to calm her down while she screamed at me. She screamed even more at boobie-less Hugh. Pecking at his collar bone searching for one anyway while refusing to take a pacifier. Baby cries may not have a ton of gusto to them yet, but man can they grate on you. They make you empathetic for a little while but progressively become really frustrating. So I made cookies at 10pm because the only other sweet around here were date-coconut ball things and I needed something more serious than that. I didn't measure anything, I just eyeballed and trusted my experience to come up with something close. I referenced a recipe for how much baking soda or powder to use because it's the one piece of a cookie recipe I can't seem to log to memory. I added crisp rice cereal per Tara's instagram post and cut up a chocolate bar with scissors so I didn't have to wash a cutting board. We baked off a large one in the toaster oven to share as a late night snack and Cleo started crying again before it cooled. I know emotional eating is a real thing and that our relationship with food can greatly affect our long term health but sometimes, cooking for what you need in that moment, can be just the thing. Maybe it's cookies, but the next day, in light of a fresh start, I chopped up the vegetable drawer to make this easy lunch. You wore me down last night, little girl, but today is mine! That is how I felt as I stood over my largest salad bowl, eating this with a serving spoon. If food didn't connect us to things, to see the ebb and flow of what happens in our own kitchens, cooking would be nothing but a responsibility. The cookie nights versus the salad days, the big enough pots of pasta that I can treat someone to a last minute dinner delivery or share bits of "toddler food" with a friend who isn't sure what to feed her son. It's more than a responsibility. It's a gateway to so much more when you stand back. I know at first glance it may look like a lot of ingredients here, but I think you'll find they are mostly pantry staples and it's more chopping and less cooking. When I asked a few months back what you all were looking for here, many of you requested easy, week-night, real-life sort of stuff and this is that for us. It's an even quicker version of this if you have rice leftover. I know I should probably just be cheerleading for salads here, but if a cookie is what you need, I hope you find that too. The sweetest spot is right in the middle.
CRUNCHY TOFU CHOP
I resisted avocado here because I wanted it to stay crunchy in the fridge but use one if you have it and may be eating this immediately. This could also be wrapped in a tortilla if you are going for a handheld situation. I used leftover rice, but quinoa could be a quicker cooking option. Most of the work here is the chopping as listed in the ingredients. Otherwise, it comes together in minutes.
Serves 4
1 14 oz. pack extra firm tofu 1 heaping Tbsp. coconut oil 1 Tbsp. sesame oil sea salt and pepper, to taste 2 large carrots, grated 3/4 cup cooked and cooled brown rice (or quinoa) 1 small hothouse cucumber, seeded and diced 1 bell pepper, seeded and diced 3 green onions, thinly sliced 1 small bunch cilantro 2 Tbsp. toasted sesame seeds 1/2 cup toasted cashews, roughly chopped
// dressing //
1 minced garlic clove 1 Tbsp. agave nectar 2 tsp. sriracha 1 tsp. tamari juice of one lime 2 Tbsp. rice vinegar 3 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
Drain the tofu and pat dry with a paper towel. Cut it into small cubes.
Preheat a large cast iron skillet over medium heat. Warm the coconut and sesame oil and once they are hot, add the tofu. Season generously with salt and pepper. Saute for 5-8 minutes until the outsides are just browned. The longer you cook it, the drier/crunchier the tofu cubes get so time it to taste. Set aside to cool.
In a large mixing bowl, combine the carrots, cooked rice, cucumber, bell pepper and onions. Very roughly chop the cilantro and add it to the mixture.
In another bowl, whisk all the dressing ingredients together and toss desired amount with the salad to mix. Season to taste. Add the sesames and cashews. The salad may be kept dressed in the fridge for 2-3 days, slowly loosing some of it's crunch but still enjoyable.
I am months behind on reading the food magazines but am working my way backwards. I love the content towards the beginning of the year because it's the lighter, vegetable focused stuff that is nowhere to be found in all the holiday issues. I was obsessed with this piece in the March issue of Food + Wine about the "new healthy" kinds of foods - which, surprise, is just real food. It was shot by a favorite food photographer and stylist and if you can grab an issue, it's worth it. I will likely try each of the recipes but this one struck me first as I desperately need some new life in my breakfast routine. With the whipped egg white situation and the 20ish minute baking time, this may be more of a weekend thing, but I love it. The original recipe is written with whole milk but I tried a coconut milk version to keep it dairy free (operation baby gas issues over here, you use what you prefer). The texture is lighter with the souffle element, making it a perfect dish for a brunch or part of a buffet of other breakfast goods. I also felt like the bit of extra protein made this breakfast stay with me longer, if only in my head, and Curran liked it too, so there's that. Breakfast can become a "short order" meal and I'm not always up for that. In the Southern California area, fresh berries are available, not great ones, but available. You could use some sauteed apples or pears or pomegranate and persimmons if that is what tastes fresh near you.
I opted for a dairy free version here which while it works, tastes a little cloudy as coconut milk can. Replace the liquid with 3 cups whole milk if you'd rather. To get ahead, you could do the oat and milk cooking step in advance and loosen that up with a bit more milk when you are ready to complete the recipe. You'll want to enjoy it fairly soon after baking.
1 cup thick cut rolled oats 1 14 oz. can coconut milk 1 cup almond milk pinch of salt 2 Tbsp. turbinado sugar seeds of half a vanilla bean 3 large eggs, separated zest of one lemon 2 cups mixed berries, fresh or frozen, chopped pure maple syrup, to finish toasted coconut, hemp seeds, granola etc., for garnish
Preheat the oven to 350' and grease a 2 qt. baking dish (or comprable smaller dishes).
In a large saucepan, combine the oats, coconut milk, almond milk, salt, sugar and vanilla bean. Bring it to a gentle simmer and cook for about 15 minutes until the oats soften and the mixture begins to thicken. Remove the pot from the heat.
Separate the eggs. Once the oats have cooled slightly, mix in the yolks completely. With a stand or electric mixer, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form. Gently fold the egg whites and lemon zest into the oat mixture until incorporated but not over mixed. Fold in a handful of the berries.
Pour the mixture into your prepared pan(s) and bake for 20-25 minutes or until the top is just puffed and golden.
Pour a bit of maple on top (I liberally brushed some on) and garnish the top with fresh berries, toasted coconut or goodies of choice.
So many things to say of our newest addition and after a month plus of very broken, insufficient sleep, she continues to prove to be as spicy as we guessed she'd be in utero. In only knowing Cleo for a short month, I can already tell her and Curran are entirely different people. I mean, I knew they would be, but I expected a helpless little baby to sort of look, cry, poop, and eat the same. Her entrance into this world was fast and somewhat dramatic (which explains a lot about her personality now that I type that out. She deserves some empathy for the post traumatic stress. I was there.). I planned for an epidural, which did not work out this time, and that change of expectation made for an overall rough and loud few hours for everyone in the room. Hugh was a champ trying to encourage someone who was in no place to be comforted but he tried anyway. I'm certain it was difficult to watch. Birth is a crazy miracle and not for the weak of heart, that's for sure.
I remember Hugh and I discussing the seeming impossibility of loving two children with the complete intensity that we felt for one. How was that going to be possible? What is more than everything? It fills up every cranny of your heart parts. I didn't get how people do this over and over but it makes sense. More crannies appear that you didn't know were waiting to be filled. Loving a child is so vulnerable, so protective, deeper than I've ever known, and possibly because it takes so much work. Not at the loving them part necessarily, but the minutia of it all. How you can be so obsessed with a little person and then in a short span of shrieking, irrational (especially in the middle of the night) moments wish they would just go away is complicated and hard. A baby, in all his or her dependency, is so draining, but they get you back with these moments of joy that are unlike anything I've ever felt. Maybe I am not explaining it right or if you're a parent yourself, perhaps that makes sense.
We're slowly getting the hang of what our life will look like with the two of them. While pregnant, strangers with kids close in age themselves would strike up conversation with me after they did the mental math between my very young toddler and pregnant belly. "It's so hard the first year or two, then it's great," they'd all say. Really, all of them, so I am trying to keep in mind that we are doing the hardest of the work right now. I am slowly learning to ask for more help and accepting favors (which is otherwise hard for me). I want to be mindful of making time for my introverted self to be alone - be that going for a workout without a stroller or working while not simultaneously entertaining a child.
Cleo girl, so far, I can tell you are intense and firey. That may make this intense and fiery sometimes, but I find that quality in people so admirable. I hope you grow up feeling encouraged to find out what you are passionate about and chase after it. Whoever you choose to love will be so lucky. Your dad and I are far from perfect, but we commit to loving you and your brother the best we're able - and in the ways you receive it, most importantly. SO glad you are here. I love you.
