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Tuesday
Apr292014

TO MY SWEET BOY.

We've been writing letters to the wee one in a notebook so one day he can read about what we were feeling during this season. When cleaning out an office at my parents house, my sister and I stumbled on letters my mom had written us when we were babies, letters I don't know if she even remembers she wrote, and it was so special to read them. I consider this site somewhat of a general journal of our life, at least in the snippets of writing, so I am including my letter from today just so I have it in this place as well.

--

My sweet boy, 

Three-ish more weeks. Give or take. Your arrival comes in a very full season for us, but it feels like the only thing that matters. We have tried to be working on our new home, finishing up our second cookbook, celebrating the plethora of May birthdays that you will also be contributing to, and staying present with friends and family, but you are what I think about in and through it all. Our life has changed with you in my belly - you've slowed me down, I don't cook as much and I'm blaming you for my grocery basket being filled with chips and ice cream instead of green vegetables; my wardrobe is extremely limited and we're trying to furnish a tasteful and understated nursery for you down the hall. Life has looked different these past nine months, but nothing compared to what is around the corner for us. Our whole life will change in the matter of a day, hours really. You can read and prepare and talk about that, but I don't think we really have any idea.

I tear up when I imagine you being laid on my chest for the first time. I am so fearful of the process but so anxious for you - to hold you and know you. Your dad and I just lay in bed and watch my belly at night, your most active time, and guess what body parts of yours we're feeling. We pat your buns (which could be your head and if so, we're sorry) and tap your legs (or arms, who knows), trying to guess if you're going to be tall like your dad. I think you are but that's just a suspicion based on the appendages I feel you jabbing into my rib cage. You will be lucky to acquire traits from your dad - I know I repeat that in these letters, but may it further convince you of how madly in love with him I am. He is such a wonderful person. My favorite. You will grow up to admire and trust him, and oh, will he make you laugh. He will teach you things and care for you deeply, so I just ask that you respect him. I now share his heart with you and it is our duty to love him well. We are so lucky to have him. 

I have two close friends who are in the throws of medical appointments and surgeries with their sick babies. It breaks my heart, and while I desperately pray for their families, for miracles and healing of these babies, I am so hopeful that you are healthy in there and getting everything you need. The truth is, and what I have witnessed from these brave mothers, is that you are not my own, and I will not always be able to protect you. I have learned that hurt and sickness and disappointment and terrible things happen and that is part of the world we live in, unfortunately. I believe we are called to live faithfully here, to be gracious characters in our own story and live generously even when things don't seem 'fair.' You'll realize soon enough that things rarely are but life is incredibly better when you get over that and see how special and beautiful it can be anyway. I hope to live a life that sees the beautiful and positive - to be a good example of that for you. I imagine you will make that easier for me as I get to bear witness to your life. Gah, I can't wait!

Your room is not done and I don't think we have enough socks for you but we are as ready as we'll ever be. We're imperfect people who are going to love you like CRAZY.

Hope you're well and snuggled and snoozy in there. Enjoy your alone time. You're a few short weeks away from so many people who are dying to hold you. You're really in for something great, my sweet boy. 

I love you, 

Mom

Reader Comments (60)

Oh my goodness you are such a wonderful writer!
I often find so much peace and motivation through your blog - I love your honesty and vulnerability as well as your delicious recipes.
Praying the next three weeks (and beyond) go smoothly and that you come back often with plenty more delicious food and words of wisdom and encouragement.
I love that you signed off Mom that must be so crazy for you!

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLizzie

Thank you for this. It is really generous of you to share your letter with us. I kept a journal of letters for my son while I was pregnant with him. It is filled with the most meaningful words I have ever written. Keep enjoying the process and the love. I wish both Hugh and you a beautiful delivery and a love-filled homecoming with your first child. I look forward to when you introduce us to your little one. D

What a beautiful tradition. Your child is going to cherish these letters. I'm hoping these next few weeks go well for you and Hugh and that you continue to document the evolution of your story together. You both are going to be great parents. Your child is so very lucky... for this and all the great food that he will be getting to eat soon! :D I look forward to getting to "meet" your little one when he's ready to come out into this world. Much peace and love to you and to your friends going through challenging times right now.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Cohen

Lovely. I didn't know other people did this but I started writing to my son a few months before he was born and have continued to do so every few months for his (nearly) first year. It is a great way to pause for a few minutes and capture some of your thoughts and feelings and what is going on with him. I hope the next weeks (and months and years) are peaceful and joyful for your family.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

Oh my god. This is such a great letter to your son. So full of love. There were tears in my eyes while reading it. I wish you all the best for those three weeks left and the great time with your baby afterwards. It'll be perfect. Lot's of love from Germany.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

This is just so lovely. I think about what Shakespeare said in all those sonnets: the way to immortality is through writing and children. I write to understand, to make sense of the world, but also to remember: this is where I was, this is how I felt. These letters are a gift to yourself, but also a gift to your son, and maybe someday his son too. All we can do in this life is work toward kindness, to try our very best, to make something of the time given; I admire that you strive for this so thoughtfully.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCristina

What a wonderful way of writing.........I wish I had thought of this when I was pregnant...
I live in the Dominican Republic and always read your blog; I just received my book and wanted to tell you that I made the multigrain carrot date muffins and were delicious!!!Everyone who tasted them loved them too. Thank you and keep on the good work. I hope your last three weeks are restful and joyous; to feel the day coming closer is such a mixture of happiness and anxiety! God bless you and your family....

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSari

This is such a beautiful letter. I don't know you but I hear a voice as I read it, a sign (for me) of a wonderful style of writing. This was so touching, I just loved it.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Sara this is so beautiful! That baby boy is blessed to have you and Hugh as parents. Stay strong the last few weeks!!

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGrace

Mom!!! You're going to be Mom. (!!!) Sara, this letter melts my heart and brings tears to my eyes, knowing that your child is coming into a world of so much love. He will live a life of ups and downs, just like we all do, but that LOVE. It is stronger than anything. Hugs to you.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJacqui

Sara, your letter made me cry this morning. Being pregnant myself, only 4 months, I can relate to your feelings and fears, and cravings of unhealthy food too. Thank you for sharing your heart with us, I really appreciate it. :)

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

This is some truly great writing. There's something so nostalgic about it already, as if you're already anticipating just how far into the future it will be read. (Which of course, you are) what a wonderful thing for your son to look back on!

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBrittany

Beautifully written Sara. This baby is not gonna lack love, that's for sure. Parents who love and respect each other is probably what our children need most.
Wishing you both the best of luck on your journey.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

Simply beautiful.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

This is so beautiful. My very best friend is having her first, due in three weeks as well, and these words resonate with me. So much. :)

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLibby

This. Is beautiful.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjillian

Tears. So much beauty and heart in your words. Thank you for sharing. What a lucky baby he is to have you as his mom.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRoseann

Don't cry at work. Don't cry at work. Don't cry at work.

This is what I'm telling myself. What a beautiful letter, Sara!

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterIleana

ACK! Was just thinking about you this morning, actually, and feeling like it must be getting close to the day. This month! So, so excited for you and Hugh. You will be a fantastic, natural momma. I just know it. Can't wait to meet him someday. xox

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMegan Gordon

I'm totally ripping this off, Sara! I'm having my first baby boy too in June and love this idea. And yes, now I'm crying at work too.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

You so eloquently express what so many mothers feel in their hearts, Sara. Enjoy the next few weeks as much as you can, as you know, life is about to change dramatically. Being a mom one of the hardest but best things you'll ever do! Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha

so unbelievably sweet! it's nice to immortalize these special moments, and i'm so glad you and hugh find time to daydream and enjoy the significance of what you're going through. congrats to your happy family <3

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteralexis

You two are such a sweet couple. That is a keepsake your son is going to cherish forever. I wish I was as creative when I was pregnant to do something like this for my li'l blue-eyed beauty, but I think I was too busy eating Haagen-Dazs bars!
Happy Almost 1st Mother's Day to you!!

BTW I have a giveaway dedicated to Mom on my blog - TWO prizes to give out. Please stop by and enter.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCoco in the Kitchen

Wow. Sara, I love the way you pour your heart out. Your little guy is one lucky fellow to have you and Hugh as his parents. Praying God's richest blessings on all three of you!

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJana

Great good luck to you. Try not to worry too much about giving birth -- it will probably be nothing at all like you imagine (because honestly it is such a weird and cool experience it defies words and expectations) and just try to go with it no matter what comes up. At the end of it, no matter how long it takes: your baby, hopefully healthy and strong and ready to snuggle up with you. That last one is seriously the most precious of all, the one I couldn't even imagine a year ago when I was just 5 months along, and it's the one I have come to appreciate so very much. Wishing you a peaceful 3 or so weeks, a healthy birth, and the happiest meeting with your sweet one and the ensuing cuddles very soon. xx

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternicole

Although I have read and enjoyed your blog for a few years now, I don't think I have ever posted a comment (not really my personality type...I'm more of a silent reader sitting in the background). I feel compelled to comment, though, after reading this beautiful letter. I teared up as I read it, even though I'm nowhere close to having a baby! If I'm lucky enough to eventually have a baby, I'm going to steal this idea! Thanks so much for sharing.

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

What an amazing gift you are to your son! To have a reflective, hopeful, grace-filled mama ... he is so blessed already. Thanks for sharing your heart for your sweet boy!

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Reading this letter to your baby boy has been a blessing to read. What a precious and blessed boy he is to know how much he is loved and wanted, and then you have begun to teach him about life lessons, too! Thank you Thank you. Much love!

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdcoates4@gmail.com

I want to be your baby.... honestly... man, did I cry over this...

Oh wow. Crying. I have two little ones and you are absolutely right..it is joyful and crazy and amazing and scary all jumbled together. Lucky little baby to have you as his mom :)

nic

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNic

This is so, so beautiful Sara. Your babe is going to be lucky to have you two... and vise versa...

What a beautiful sentiment. I think every child would be so lucky to have you as a parent. Congratulations!
May we all have love like that you showed in your letter,
Kristie

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKristie

Awww I don't know what to say.. You said it all so well..

May 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterami@naivecookcooks

Lovely... I'm having my first baby boy too in June and I find your style of writing really touching.

May 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEva

Such a sweet post!
Thank's for sharing/ Anna

May 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnna Huerta

I cried because of the beauty of your words and the deep love of a mother and a wife that shines through them. Thank you for sharing this letter with us readers, Sara. Your boy will welcomed with endless, unconditional love.

awhh this is so sweet. thanks for sharing this, made me tear up! so beautiful, raw and real. i shared this with a couple of my friends who are pregnant. enjoy this blissful time of being pregnant and soon to be mama!

May 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Congratulations lovely. Wishing you and Hugh and your little man all the best and endless love and happiness. So excited for your new, larger family!

May 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAManda

This is so beautiful. Thank you for reminding me to cherish the loved ones in your life.

May 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTeague

My best lady friend has a pregnancy journal as well ... thanks for the intimate look inside yours!

May 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDan

Beautiful. Wishing you all the best these next few weeks. <3

May 3, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

This is so terribly beautiful. I'm tearing up in a coffee shop. Luckiest boy in the world--you guys are going to be incredible parents. <3

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKrista

My wee girl is 3 now and everyday I write down something funny she did or said. It's a Maeve journal. U will be surprised how much u forget (and I have a memory like an elephant). All those funny things that would be missed or overlooked are in pen forever ie. she went to church last week in leotards and a coat. She wouldn't put her dress on. When they do funny things like that u just can't remember them all. Keep writing always!!!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKauri

This post made my day! Tears of sweetness and gratitude. Congratulations to you all!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAna Schechter

Sara, your mama heart is huge and beautiful. Already you get it. Welcome to our club - where our hearts live outside our bodies and we humbly let these little ones shape us to be more loving, selfless and trusting to our Father, who loves them more than we imagine.

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

To be gracious characters in our own story.

This, my friend, is my takeaway for the year.

Addendum to the letter, and to the sweet boy, weeks away: You, my dear boy, have won the blue ribbon. Scored the real deal parents. Nailed a home run. You are one lucky dude, absolutely and already. Well done, well done.

xoxo,
Molly

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermolly

My three girls are in their 20s now; one just celebrated her birthday today. Your letter brought back every hope and wish and memory of waiting for them to be born. My grandfather wrote to me when I was a baby; I don't know if he did to all of his 9 grandchildren, but probably so. I have 3 of those precious letters from my first year. I have a Mother's Journal I kept during part of my first daughter's first year, but then -- alas -- the busy-ness of having 3 kids in 4 years made me fall down that rabbit hole of not getting those things done for the other two girls. Still, the hopes and dreams are the same; and the realities, as you note. Have a wonderful meeting with your new little person!

May 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Covington

This is so sweet, Sara! I love reading your thoughts about impending motherhood. You will be so, so wonderful at it. That boy is a lucky one :) xo

May 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKasey

Gah, woman. Beautifully said. I'm thinking of you daily during these closing weeks of your pregnancy. It's about to get soooooo good. <3

May 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBev Weidner

So sweet! Can't wait!!! You're going to be the best parents he could possibly have!

May 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMollie

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