Wednesday
Oct262011
THOUGHTS
Wednesday, October 26, 2011 at 9:37PM
Without question, this book manuscript has been the most challenging thing I have ever done. Ever.
I remember leaving my old job desperate for a project that would push me and presently, I see my prayers answered about tenfold. I've watched my self, my marriage, and both mine and Hugh's work grow and improve these past ten months. I'm not even out of the woods yet, and I am filled with emotions over what an experience this has been so far.
I've studied dozens of cookbooks, poured over the photography, the writing style, and how they are composed overall. It seemed simple enough, given ample time, to make a collection of how I cook during the week, for friends, and for family on occasion. It's never fancy, typically on the lighter side, produce focused, and now, because of Hugh's influence, a second thought is given to the aesthetics of the plate. At the start, I imagined I would cook and write and just transcribe what I know. Turns out there is more to it. We seem to have learned the hard way - learned by doing, actually. We're currently going back to the first few recipes written and pictures taken and bringing them on par with where we are now (we haven't "figured it out", but the big picture is looking less nebulous than it did in January). Improvement or not, I have to be honest with you lovely people, those of you who have so kindly encouraged me, and convinced me that I AM capable of this. It is extremely difficult to explain a process that is creative and spontaneous for me, and treat it as something concrete and specific. I want to share this with people, but a list of directions seems cold compared to how I feel about simple, wholesome food. This is my art. The books I've admired, and thought I could use as reference, became useless when I realized how personal writing a cookbook is.
When I consider the permanence of print, the self doubt becomes sort of paralyzing. We crave affirmation, and by we I do mean all of us, but females especially. We crave for people to tell us that they like us, that we are good at something. A 'regular' job, if you will, usually consists of someone above you setting a standard and giving direction day in and day out, while you also have others around you with constant feedback. It is really nice to work at home is stretchy yoga pants, but I miss that. Maybe I love the braised white bean recipe in the book, but what if other people don't like them? Gasp! Then what?? Hugh assured me this is the demon of a creative person (something I actually never considered myself, to be honest), that we set a high standard, a great expectation for our work, but the means to reach or even exceed that standard is always a challenge. I must rest in the fact that it is simply not possible to please everyone. It's not possible to make a book full of recipes that everyone will like and that is going to be alright. I knew going into this that the project was bigger than what I felt capable of, and I still feel that way, but participating would be the only way I would grow. I wanted to be pushed, but that doesn't mean I have not had a considerable amount of breakdowns.
I'm about a week away from turning in a gigantic word document and already feel the weight of responsibility lifting from me. Not in the sense that it is being passed to someone else, but that I know I have done my best and at this point, my art is making its way out there.
These are not thoughts of complaint, believe me, I am grateful. I am merely trying to write the fear out of my head.
Ah. Deep breaths.
I don't have a recipe for you, seriously, I can not talk about food for awhile, but I wanted to include just a few pictures from my phone of the mess and process we've been up to. Sidenote, that baby is not ours, she is our niece, and we are trying to kidnap her.
I remember leaving my old job desperate for a project that would push me and presently, I see my prayers answered about tenfold. I've watched my self, my marriage, and both mine and Hugh's work grow and improve these past ten months. I'm not even out of the woods yet, and I am filled with emotions over what an experience this has been so far.
I've studied dozens of cookbooks, poured over the photography, the writing style, and how they are composed overall. It seemed simple enough, given ample time, to make a collection of how I cook during the week, for friends, and for family on occasion. It's never fancy, typically on the lighter side, produce focused, and now, because of Hugh's influence, a second thought is given to the aesthetics of the plate. At the start, I imagined I would cook and write and just transcribe what I know. Turns out there is more to it. We seem to have learned the hard way - learned by doing, actually. We're currently going back to the first few recipes written and pictures taken and bringing them on par with where we are now (we haven't "figured it out", but the big picture is looking less nebulous than it did in January). Improvement or not, I have to be honest with you lovely people, those of you who have so kindly encouraged me, and convinced me that I AM capable of this. It is extremely difficult to explain a process that is creative and spontaneous for me, and treat it as something concrete and specific. I want to share this with people, but a list of directions seems cold compared to how I feel about simple, wholesome food. This is my art. The books I've admired, and thought I could use as reference, became useless when I realized how personal writing a cookbook is.
When I consider the permanence of print, the self doubt becomes sort of paralyzing. We crave affirmation, and by we I do mean all of us, but females especially. We crave for people to tell us that they like us, that we are good at something. A 'regular' job, if you will, usually consists of someone above you setting a standard and giving direction day in and day out, while you also have others around you with constant feedback. It is really nice to work at home is stretchy yoga pants, but I miss that. Maybe I love the braised white bean recipe in the book, but what if other people don't like them? Gasp! Then what?? Hugh assured me this is the demon of a creative person (something I actually never considered myself, to be honest), that we set a high standard, a great expectation for our work, but the means to reach or even exceed that standard is always a challenge. I must rest in the fact that it is simply not possible to please everyone. It's not possible to make a book full of recipes that everyone will like and that is going to be alright. I knew going into this that the project was bigger than what I felt capable of, and I still feel that way, but participating would be the only way I would grow. I wanted to be pushed, but that doesn't mean I have not had a considerable amount of breakdowns.
I'm about a week away from turning in a gigantic word document and already feel the weight of responsibility lifting from me. Not in the sense that it is being passed to someone else, but that I know I have done my best and at this point, my art is making its way out there.
These are not thoughts of complaint, believe me, I am grateful. I am merely trying to write the fear out of my head.
Ah. Deep breaths.
I don't have a recipe for you, seriously, I can not talk about food for awhile, but I wanted to include just a few pictures from my phone of the mess and process we've been up to. Sidenote, that baby is not ours, she is our niece, and we are trying to kidnap her.
Reader Comments (71)
Gosh I just love you.
Facing a seemingly insurmountable challenge is the best way for people to grow. If you are know you did your best, I'm sure it will be amazing. Good luck!
I for one, am so proud of you! I am also VERY excited! I watched you grow in this, from afar. We became internet friends and I was happy (and honored) to voice my opinions, thoughts, or concerns when you asked for them. Just Congrats--it only get's more real from here.
oxox
ps-the goggles? do tell!
You are so close now, well done! You've done an amazing job and we all look forward to seeing the final outcome. Big hugs!
You can do it!! You're are both so talented at what you do. I totally get the "what if someone doesn't like it" thing. But hey, what if hundreds more do, you won't know until it's out there. I'm guessing you won't have many complaints : )
Oh Sara, thanks so much for the update and the wonderful photos! Man, girl. You're doing it. And you've got such a crew here behind you that can't wait to see it come to fruition. I know exactly what you mean about the difficulty of explaining the process: with fiercely creative projects, I think it's always impossible because it is so personal. Deep breaths. Hugs from up North a bit...
Funny, I was just thinking about you this evening, wondering how the book is coming. Thanks for the update and the behind the scenes sneak peeks! Your book will be brilliant, and I can already tell I'll love the braised white beans.
This is just so awesome! You are so talented, and looking at those photos, I'm immensely envious of your life path. I can't wait for your book to come out!
Sweet girl...You shine brighter than you know. The tears, sweat and breakdowns will be so minute when you hear the praise and feel the appreciation for a job well done. I sincerely CANNOT wait to get my hands on that book! You are my hero...truly. I WISH I had half the guts and talent to do what you're doing. WOW. Press on toward your goal...your prize awaits ;)
You my dear are a true amazing talent and all of this hard work will pay off, BIG TIME!!!!! Love you so much and I'm so glad I have been able to watch this journey. xxxooo!!!
Braised white beans? I can't wait! A certain someone in my life is always reminding me that life begins at the edge of our comfort zone. Keep pushing, it's going to be amazing!
Sending you lots of love, courage and calm from Switzerland... it's going to be alright, it's going to be great! Smiles, F.
it is amazing to read your honesty about this process.
and i can assure you that after reading this i am looking forward to your cookbook all the more.
enjoy the finish line!
Ahh, yes those demons, kick them out of the window cuz you.are.amazing!! (This is your daily work-at-home-feed-back-boost)
Just know you inspire people with what you do and that is all that matters! So eat those white beans (which surely are delish) and let me see that book of yours;) <3 LOVE
Ack, I can see the problem and cause for trepidation! All I can say is take a deep breath and don't harp too much - I noticed I make all my final decisions when I'm going to bed and my brain has finally cleared then POP the answer I know is the right one is clearly present.
Don't rush, as you go the vision will become clearer and everything will come a bit easier. I also suggest you find that one friend to confide in who will be honest (not tell you what you want to hear) bc then when you are freaking out and they say you are fine, you will believe them.
We are all so excited for you! Seriously, your writing, your recipes, Hugh's stunning photography... it's an inspiration.
So, take a deep breath, focus, and know that there are people out there that care about you and are rooting for you.
And never ever stop having fun!
I am so excited for your book. I don't doubt for one moment that it will be amazing in every way.
This is such an honest (and inspiring) post. Hang in there! I can't wait to see and cook from the final product.
Oh, Sarah. Thanks so much for sharing this.
You are so blessed to have Hugh talk you through all of this. You are 100% right--it is a work of art. And you don't have to explain it if you don't want to. Does the artist who paints a black canvas and titles it 'happiness' have to explain it? No. People either get it or they don't--the artist isn't affected.
Anyway, I don't want to put any more thoughts into your brain. I just want to tell you I'm praying for you & your creative process. You will prevail :)
Take care of yourself (and Hugh) ;)
Yes, deep breaths. Just think -- years and years from now, you'll look at Hugh and say, "Hey remember that first year of marriage?" And he'll say, "Oh yeah, we made that gorgeous cookbook together that our kids are using to feed their own families now, and it will always be there as a symbol of how awesome we are." :)
Though most of my projects are small, I can totally relate to what you say about working a regular job vs working on your own or for yourself. I am trying to escape my regular job, but in the creative projects I work on I often find myself looking for recognition and affirmation. While I don't think that is a good thing, I have realized that a lot of that comes from years of school and work where I was frequently receiving feedback and sometimes affirmation for the work I did. I wish that I didn't hope for feedback and recognition from others and could just do what I do completely because I enjoy it.
I would buy your cookbook, even if it were two pages and a million bucks! I don't know you, but good gosh, I try so hard to make your recipes, and every single time, I am so amazed at the flavors you cultivate...not to mention I win MAJOR cool points with my boyfriend...all thanks to you!!! Everyone is right, you are so insanely talented, and this process is going to be more fruitful than you can even imagine at this point. It's healthy to have doubts...if we didn't doubt, we wouldn't push ourselves further. So go 'head girl, you got this on lockdown! <3
You've got this, Sara. The funny thing is that the times where we feel most helpless and lost in work and self-doubting are the times where we're the most graceful. We're excited and happy for you---you're going to have an amazing feeling when you're on the other side.
Sara, I just passed along your blog to an aspiring writer, as an example of an effortless writing style. Your blog is a joy to read, and I know the book will be too. How nice to face the fears of "not being liked" and plunge forward anyway. Congratulations to you!
Sara, I don't know you but I would like to say hang in there and you are doing a great job! There are going to be so many people out there that are going to LOVE and buy your book! I am totally the same way. I need confirmation to feel validated for the things that I do. I don't like to admit that but I do and it's completely human. Your honesty is really refreshing to here for me!
I know exactly how you feel...making a cookbook is a lot harder than it seems, and there is a lot of pressure. It is normal to not want to see or smell food for a while!
I am sure you did a great job and everything will turn out wonderful :)
it's very inspiring to read about this process for you - and how you are continuing to push yourself and finish and make what you believe in.
Hang in there! Your cookbook will be just beautiful! Wishing you lots of courage and strength to get through what I'm sure is a very, very challenging project... xo
Sarah,
I am glad you decide to share this overwhelming experience. I am sure you'll prevail with success. Best of luck :)
you're art is an inspiration! even in your challenged moments ... it makes the dream of food writing and cookbook writing seem hard and real - an attainable challenge for others who are following in your footsteps. you can bet, I'll be drooling over your cookbook looking for inspiration on photography, writing style and composition just as you were looking at your favorite books. hang in their!
Thank you for sharing this, Sara. I think that going into any creative field is, at first, a daydream, where you kind of forget the hard stuff. And then the reality sinks in, and there's a divide where you're so hard on yourself, and so forgiving of others. There is no doubt in my mind, from the quality of this blog, that your book will be amazing (and you know I will certainly buy it!) but I think the fact that you are so hard on yourself - wanting to change change change the things that you've grown beyond - just shows that you'll keep growing and pushing. The second that we, as artists, become complacent in our work is the second we stop growing. As a brand new photographer in the capital-P sense of the word, I have the hardest time looking at my own work. I just want to re-shoot everything, fix all the errors, and take down my first shoots! The thing is, I'm not sure anyone really grows out of that, not if they are truly trying to push themselves, at least. So keep pushing, for sure, but know that from the unbiased eyes of your audience out here, you're doing a lovely job.
I think you are amazing. I have loved (and shared) the recipes I have made from your blog. My sister and I both use them, compare notes and remark on your lovely photography (we are both photographers). I can't wait for your cookbook. In every cookbook I own and love, there are recipes that I love and recipes that aren't for me. I'm sure yours will be no different. Don't worry too much about it! Since everyone's tastes are different you don't need us to love every single one. Someone will love one, others another. You are putting out quality recipes that you love and believe in. It's YOUR cookbook!
Kacie
I am so impressed with your hard work, and so excited to see your final product! I cannot wait to have a Sprouted Kitchen cookbook, and I know it will be wonderful and beautiful! I'm praying for you to finish strong! I know you can do it!
Raw honesty from a creative genius (YOU!) is very refreshing, thanks for showing us your heart and mind... it is what you do best and it is why your book/creation will be incredible and captivating. You have already done the HARDEST part, catpturing your audience's attention and building a following.. this is the fun part that will PAY back, literally! So happy for you. Cheers to your success & your wonderful husband!
i think what you're doing is ambitious and amazing. so keep going! it'll be so worth it--you already know that. :)
oh sara. i love that despite all this amazing success you are experiencing, you are still your sincere and humble self. i'm so proud of you jumping into the deep end blindfolded and trusting that it will all turn out even better than ok. you and hugh have had such a unique way to bond through this whole thing... i remember the day he bought you your blog url thingy as your present (major cook points, hugh!) and how you were like "hmmm this could be fun to play around with" and NOW LOOK AT YOU, MRS SPROUTED KITCHEN!! I cant believe i am friends with the one and only ;)
Oh, Sara, you are an inspiration! I can only imagine the weight of putting yourself out there in THAT way. Please know, though, that you can't always please everyone, but so many of us are going to be SO pleased. I just know it. I can't wait for drinks next week! xo
What an awesome post! I have no doubt you will turn out an amazing cookbook. Thanks for sharing and keeping it real. All the best :-)
People will love this book not only because of the amazing recipes it contains (I know this first hand!), but also because, as you said, writing a cookbook is so personal, and THAT, my sweet friend, is what you do such an amazing job at as well. The number of comments you receive on personal (non-cooking) posts is proof of this. YOU will show through in this book, and the food will speak for itself. Oh, and after you turn in that Word document, you can have the baby. ;)
I don't know that I have ever actually written a stranger, but after reading this you don't feel like a stranger. I began my own food related "I want to work within my passion" path about 9 months ago which started as a blog and has morphed into a business. I am aslo slowly putting together my own writings for a cook bok down the road. Although I am beyond thrilled to be moving within my passion (nourishing, fun, stress free steps to bring us all back to the table) it is a push pull between creativity and fear. I am reminded of a quote a read last night "It is when we are most vulnerable that we are the most likely to grow."
Thanks for this, Sara. Don't forget that we are all rooting for you, even though you don't know most of us, and that we're grateful for the way you share your self - as well as your recipes - in this public way, every time you post something new. Personally I'm looking forward to having an actual book of yours to sit and read away from screens, and splatter with accidental ingredients as you help me grow as a cook!
Don't over-think things too much. Your blog is so amazing already and judging by your work here, everything WILL BE fine. Seriously.
you're awesome, i feel like i know you. you write from the heart and cook from your soul. i know you will rock this book, i am spreading the word that your love is about to be printed. we are all rooting for you. thanks for the inspiration and the words. big hug to you.
I always look forward to your posts and trying out your food. I can feel how honest both are and that's what will come through in your book. I love to cook, especially when I'm avoiding writing. Another writer friend told me to be careful because cooking and writing are coming from the same place creatively - so one can overwhelm the other. No wonder you're so spent! You're doing both at the same time! Can't wait for your book. If you want to read about Martha Graham's advice to creatives (words that get me through those scary times daily) see my last blog post at wwwdotreadyourlifedotcom. It will all be "in the can" soon! :)
oh lady, I totally get where you are coming from. It's truly challenging being your own boss, your own opinion and visions at will. I always nervously wait for a clients response to hear those great words "we love it"! "It looks great!" Those affirming words that make us able to continue on our creative journey. Sometimes we may not receive those words and it sends us into a downward spiral. Questioning are taste levels, if we are good enough, do other people think it looks good? In the end all you can do is be true to yourself. Learn, grow and follow your heart. As for your simple and fresh recipes call to the masses and that shows in your blog and elsewhere. Have faith :) Sending good vibes your way as for we all need them x N
I love that you wrote this. The genuine expression of being simultaneously grateful for this opportunity to express your work in your own way, and the pressure in doing that is wonderful. And you have such a great support group around you: your husband, friends, family, and a community of bloggers encouraging you.
Your post also comes at a perfect time for me as I'm experiencing those very hesitations myself. But I'm encouraged daily by God, my family, my friends, and new books including one I'd love to recommend to you here: "Making Ideas Happen" by Scott Belsky, founder and CEO of Behance. It's fantastic and will truly help you to execute those big ideas you have so that all can share in your great work!
Thanks again, and best wishes in everything!
@Everyone - Wow, thank you. It has been so sweet to read these kind notes. I realize I probably came off more depressing than I feel, but the kind encouragement has been so nice! You people are wonderful.
I love food, I love cooking, I love reading cookbooks, food blogs and thinking about recipes. I want you to know your website is my most favorite resource of all time--I love the photography, and I absolutely adore that you are dedicated to making delicious, healthy, plant based dishes. I wish there were more people like you out there in the world. I'm in medicine, and I think the only way to combat the alarming and growing rates of obesity and chronic diseases in this country is to make healthy food desirable and delicious. This is exactly what you do. The world is a better place because it, so thank you!
Sara, this is it MAN! All of this hard work WILL pay off. I just can't wait to get my hands on that book. You are talented and unique. This book is going to RULE!Love you!
Sara, this is it MAN! The hard work WILL pay off. I just can't wait to get my hands on that book when it comes out. You truly are talented and unique. This book is going to RULE. Love you!!